Thinking Through Feelings

Fuji left me exhausted and sore.  Add several nights of restless sleep, by Tuesday I was a crabby wreck.  I should likely go back and attempt to erase Tuesday, but alas that is not possible.  However, taking time to sort out my feelings about the whole Fuji experience is a good direction to go in.

**Frustration**

While frustration still goes at the top of the list, I am trying to bump it down or off the list all together.  I have tried to think back to everything I read and all the conversations I had with people about what to expect.  I've wracked my brain trying to figure out if I am just stupid and didn't understand or maybe I am just not capable of asking correct questions in order to get the information needed.   I don't want to believe that friends deliberately left out details, but to be honest that thought has run through my mind, especially when stuck in the middle of a rocky hell unable to move because of shear raw terror.  It has taken a lot of effort to dislodge those negative thoughts, but they are slowly lessening.  I am beginning to think that climbing Fuji is akin to child birth - one forgets the pain.

Now that I managed to get a decent nights rest and am not as sore, I am seeing things more clearly.  I did find one picture that showed an area between 7th & 8th station and stated that it was rocky.  The picture doesn't look at all like the "reality" my panicked mind saw but I did find that at least 1 place says it is rocky terrain, not just rocky landscape, which is what I was expecting.

**Accomplishment**

Mild accomplishment is starting to make the list of feelings. Even though we did not make it to the top, we still made if further than a lot of people.  We saw several people who only hiked from 5th station to 6th station.  *I would gladly hike between 5th and 6th station any time.

**Amazement**

The awesomeness, the grandeur, the amazing glory of God's creation is pushing itself to the forefront.  This is the memory I want.  Had I never gone, never battled the fear that nearly left me paralyzed and hyperventilating on the side of the mountain I would not have seen the sunrise above the clouds.

As I continue to process through the good, the bad, and the ugly, I am becoming glad that I went.  I still don't want to go again, but it was still a worthwhile experience!