I am feeling like a boat set adrift. I don't feel anchored.
Since I started blogging in Dec. '06, I have blogged nearly every day. It has been a place for me to unwind, to relax, to process. The uncertainty of xanga right now leaves me feeling unsettled. I have a blog on blogger, but the only reason I had it was so I could comment on a friend's blog. I have tried blogging over there these past couple weeks, but it just doesn't feel the same. Then again, xanga doesn't feel the same. Xanga is so quiet & subdued, at least in the circle I seem to fit in. I am having a hard time wanting to blog, which makes me sad.
I am also feeling some what adrift in my walk with the LORD. I feel a bit like an outsider peeking in the window. These past 19 months of Josh's struggle with Aplastic Anemia has brought changes to each and ever aspect of our lives. Simple things like going to a restaurant is not yet possible. Even going to church is a new experience & then only with extra care can it happen. Nothing is the same...maybe that is what makes it feel so odd, so "outsider looking in". My faith is still there, in some ways it is stronger, but in others ways it is struggling like a newborn baby, abandoned.
I feel adrift in the fact that any small breeze can knock things off course. Kei had a sore throat last week. Friday she seemed to be doing better so I didn't take her to the doctor. Friday evening she started running a low grade fever & her throat was sore again. It just kept getting worse. I put off taking her to the ER, waiting rather for regular office hours today. Verdict - she has strep. Strep is a nasty bug in any situation, but with an immune suppressed child in the house - arg! I think the meds are starting to work, she seemed more perky this evening. Bekah & Josh are on preventative antibiotics. Praying hard they can avoid the strep bug. Something as simple as a sort throat has the boat rocking and drifting off course again.
And now I just caught myself drifting through pictures on facebook. SIGH - adrift, yet again!!