Who Am I?

I go through times when I wonder who I am.  Today when I can across this...

I got to thinking.  

I am not the same person I was.

When I was a high school graduate I thought I had things figured out.  Go to Indiana Central to get a 3 year nursing degree, yada yada ya...  I made it half way and then dropped out, sat out a semester, changed schools & degrees.

As a recent college grad & newly wed... work in design, adopt a few kids, live in a nice house, close enough to family to visit fairly often, but not right next door, yada yada ya...

As a new missionary to Japan... be here 5 years, then head back to life in the states ~ that was 22 years ago.

As a mother of 3 beautiful girls - 3 is a good number... enter a son.  A son with special needs.  A son with special needs that now has a rare, chronic illness.

Most days I am not exactly sure who I am.  I struggle with knowing I am not who I should/would like to be.  I grasp at wanting to be more but often come up as less.  I think the biggest lesson I am learning is not to hold on too tightly because as soon as I think I have it figured out, in comes a curve ball. I often don't succeed in this loose hold way of life.  My OCD kicks in & I freak out.  I want a plan.  I want to know what is coming next.

Truth be told, I don't know.

BUT...

The LORD knows and HE will work things out.

Who am I?  I am a work in progress, as is each and everyone person alive today.  I, & the rest of the world, am a work in progress with the ability to tightly cling to my way or loosen the grip, let go & let God have control.

I may not understand the LORD's plans, but I know that His plans work out much better than mine.  How about you?